Once upon a time

Once upon a time there was this woman who looked like Cher. She may have once been beautiful, who knows? But now, she just looks scary beyond all reason.

So anyway, 17 years ago this woman had sex with an albino, and after that, she got a baby daughter who looks really pretty, and her face was white as snow, her hair a jet black, and her lips red as blood. The proud mother called her Snow White.

The albino daddy of Snow White decided to turn gay, so the mother brought her baby daughter to the local pub where she could drown all her sorrows. Alas, she got drunk again, but this time, the one night stand turned out to be a Prince! The desperate Prince was forced by his dying mum to marry a fat and ugly princess from the next country before he could be King, so he decided to marry Snow White's mum instead, faking his mum that Snow White was his daughter but he was just afraid to acknowledge her a year ago.

The Prince's mother died and the Prince was made King, making Snow White a princess.

Now there's a problem. As the Queen got older and more wrinkled, the King seems to eye beautiful Snow White more and more. One day, the Queen saw the King touch Snow White's hands lustily!

"AHEM!"

The King and Snow White jumped apart.

"My King, it has been long since you gave me a gift.... I want a servant who can tell me how beautiful I am everyday, because apparently my daugther is getting more attractive than me, isn't she?!! HUH?!"

The King gave a loud grunt and heck cared the Queen, so the angry Queen smacked the King on the head with a piece of Char Siew.

"Oww~! That fucking hurts! What was that for? And where did that piece of thing come from?!"

"Its for ignoring me, you bastard! And its apparently called a Char Siew, this thing. Someone mailed it to me. I find no use for it except to whack you."

"Whatever. You are a wrinkled as Lee Kwan Yew."

"Who is that?!"

"Some Chinese man which our prophet says will be the most wrinkled man on Earth in future."

"Our prophet always talks bullshit! Ask him to predict the next war and he will say something like, 'Do-do birds will be extinct.' Wtf? Do-do birds will never be extinct, they are everywhere! What an idiotic prophet we have!"

The King took advantage of the situation, grabbed the Char Siew, and smacked the Queen on the head.

"Go get urself that magic mirror in my room and stop yakking and yakking! Leave me alone with Snow White!"

"I thought you loved that mirror?", the Queen asked.

"It used to tell me my dick is the longest in the world but now it refuses to look at it since I tried to shove it into its mouth."

"YOU WHAT? DISGUSTING BASTARD!"

"I am King. I do whatever I want."

So anyway, the Queen got hold of the mirror.

"Mirror mirror on the wall, tell me, whos the fairest of them all?"

The guy in the mirror woke up, and said, "Michael Jackson after his bleaching? No. Actually, Snow White. Duh. Did you even for a moment think it was you? You are scary beyond all reason! Anyway, wait till you hear what that husband of yours did to me!"

The Queen gave the mirror no chance to do that. She whacked it with the piece of Char siew and it smashed into a million pieces.

"Lai ren ah!", she screamed. "Kill Snow White for me! "

Luckily for Snow White, she was hiding behind the door when all these happened.

She ran to the well, and started to sing about how some day her prince will come.

Walking idly, she arrived at this little hut. Being the rude and ill-mannered princess she is, she walked into the hut without knocking, and saw 7 little dwarves watching soccer in underwear. One of them was reading a porn magazine.

You think Liang Po Po is the ugliest thing since evolution, but you have no idea. A dwarf in underwear is infinitely worse. Snow White screamed in horror.

But too bad for Snow White. A scream is the last thing she should have done, because it immediately idenifies her as a lady and what would seven ugly men living alone want?

A maid of course.

The dwarves shoved Snow White into the room, and started to get her to clean up the house, while they continued drinking ale while watching soccer.

With this, Snow White lived for a few months. She particularly hated Sneezy the dwarf coz he always throws his used tissues around. Snow White was held prisoner because she was too dumb to unlock the door.

In case you are wondering why the dwarves are not sexually interested in Snow White, it is because Snow White is too big for them. In physical size.

So anyway, one day the dwarf called Grumpy decided to let Snow White have an apple and take a rest, coz Snow White cleaned his room particularly well that day. What he doesn't know is that Snow White hates him and have put chilli powder into his underwear, but I guess what he doesn't know wouldn't hurt him.

Snow White took a bite and decided to act like she died. She somehow had this feeling that this would get her out of the house. She also read in several story books that a kiss from a prince will revive the dead, and it seems that princes only like to kiss dead girls? So she will pretend to be dead and come to life when a prince kisses her! She tried not to think how disgusting it is if it were the dwarves to kissed her instead.

And what if it was Lee Kwan Yew who kissed her? Oh no! But she will have to take chances.

The dwarves found Snow White dead and shoved her into the forest to rot, and got on with their lives.

Snow White laid on the ground, sobbing in her heart, as the forest is a dreadful place and she feels really sorry for herself that she has to live her life this way. Where should she go? She can't even go home, her mum will (literally) kill her! And she didn't dare open her eyes, she was scared the dwarves would still be there; scared of what she will see...

Suddenly, she heard steps of a horse and a man... Not light steps like those of the dwarves... Steps of a real man... And the air was filled with the sensual smell of Davidoff purfume... Ah... What arousal...

Snow White knew there was hope. It must be her Prince!! She prayed and prayed that her cleavage can be seen... and that her hair covered that stupid pimple she just got.

The Prince bent down, and gave Snow White a deep, tongue wrestling, lip-locking kiss, which took away Snow White's breath and melted her heart. She could feel his sharp nose and chiselled face against hers, and his luscious lips; they are oh, so soft....

Snow White fluttered her long dark eyelashes open, to see a hunky, dark-haired man with dark brown curls looking at her lovingly...

"Oh, you must be my prince!", Snow White exclaimed.

"Yes.... You are beautiful, my Princess...."

"Are u gonna marry me?"

"Yes, my dear..."

"Do you gamble, drink excessively, and watch soccer all the time?"

"No, no, and no..."

"Will you promise to only love me and never have sex with other women, men, or animals?"

"Children?"

"Children as well. And dead people."

"Oh, alright. I suppose you are pretty enough for me to promise that."

"Are you rich?"

"Yes. I am a millionaire."

"Do you have a eight inch number and can last more than 15 minutes?"

"Its 9 and a half to be exact. And I can last for 2 hours."

"Oh my God you are perfect!"

"And I love you, my princess... There... You must be tired.. Let me ride you on horseback to my castle..."

"Yes, yes my Prince..."

With that, Snow White travelled for 3 days on the Prince's horse.

She arrived at a construction site.

"Oh, the castle is still building?", she queried.

"Uhmmmm...", the Prince mumbled.

I decide to meditate.

People like me, diagnosed with an incurable disease, are susceptible to anything that offers hope. On Tuesday, I flicked through a book and extracted the idea that meditation might be a good thing.

Obviously the prepared person would have actually read the book, or talked to an experienced practitioner before starting, but not me. I am in a rush. I want instant results.

I decided that the best thing to do was to lie on the floor and concentrate on breathing. I set the timer on my phone to ten minutes.

“In out, in out,” I sucked the air up though my nose and then pushed it back down my nostrils. “In out, in out,” and after a couple more breaths, I began to worry about over breathing: is it possible to over breathe; is it in any way detrimental to the health to over breathe? I resolved to google “over breathing” just as soon as the ten minutes was up.

“Just stop it,” I told myself. “How can you possibly meditate if you clutter your mind up with google. Just breathe, don’t think about anything else.”

I know what I hoped was going to happen. I hoped that all sorts of fascinating insights about my current predicament were going to bubble up from my subconscious, and that I was going to rise from my ten minutes on the floor with the knowledge necessary to fix my life.

“It’s a bit cold,” I thought. “It was a mistake to lie so close to the door. The draught is ruining the mediation experience.” I shifted down the room away from the door.

“Woof, woof. Woof, woof,” barked my phone, signalling the end of the ten minutes. Disappointed by the absence of my subconscious, I decided to try for another ten minutes: still nothing.

“Passive patients are not survivors,” I reminded myself as I got up from the floor. That quote had jumped out at me as I had flicked though the book on Tuesday. I picked up my purse and went to Boarders where I bought “Anatomy of the Spirit” by Caroline Myss. Now a couple of months ago, I would have scoffed at a book like this, and even now the cover design does nothing to endear it to me (gold embossed letters on white). But, since the relapse in May, which showed me that a healthy diet and lifestyle were not helping my condition, I decided to tackle my thoughts in my attempt to stop this disease from taking over my life. I think I suffer from an unhealthy mind, and as a result I am now open to books that talk about God and faith.

Caroline is a medical intuitive. She does “readings” and she can tell people what they are suffering from and why. (Let me just pick up that crystal ball that has marched into my mind and throw it to the ground.)

Oh, how I would have cringed a few months ago at the hippy visions of wind chimes and floral prints that I see when I read those words: “medical intuitive”. But now I take it deadly seriously...

However, in my typical arrogant fashion, as I sat reading the book in Gloria Jean’s coffee shop, sipping health giving green tea, I began to fantasise that I too was a medical intuitive, imagining what a great conversation piece it would be at dinner parties. I struggled to rid myself of this notion. A lot of work needs to be done on me, by me, before my thoughts will be desirable.

Public Library

Of late, i am rather disturbed by the fact that children are allowed in the public library. It is understandable that children do what they do best, which is laughing, running etc. To make matters worst, the quiet environment is further interrupted by the parents who "sshhssshhhhh" their children to behave. Though the public libraries are openned to all, but at least parents need to be considerate enough as not to interrupt the atmosphere. Perhaps, the authorities should not allow children below the age of 12 to enter as the reason is very obvious: That is why we also have the CHILDREN LIBRARY?

Soul Eater

Bleach and Naruto is returning to filler mode soon.

So I have to find new anime to keep myself busy.

And I did.

I found Soul Eater.

The animation is kinda unique.

It's a little different from the mainstream anime out there.

Kinda reminds me of Gorillaz animation style.

NFS on KL's streets!!

With the F1 night circuit at night in Singapore, I am wondering whether in Kuala Lumpur, we can arrange for motorcycle races, using Jalan Tun Razak, Jalan Tuanku Abdul Rahman or up to Jalan Kuching and Jalan Ulu Klang, etc. These roads could be closed to traffic for certain hours at nights till dawn. With the races at night, may be motorcyclists especially our renowned Mat Rempits will have avenues to show their talents. Security fencing could be erected on both sides of the 'race circuits' with high power spot lights.

It's sounds like "need for speed underground"? Indeed it is, the idea just came out while I was defeating "The Boss" using my Lamborghini SV ( well ofcourse I only owned such machine in a video game). I have to admit it is a fantastic idea and I believe it will.

The proposed roads above could be good for marathons.

Perhaps UMNO Youth and Ministry Of Tourism and Ministry Of Youth & Sports etc may wish to look into this.

Advertising panels along both sides of the tracks could collect enough incomes for the shows which could also be live telecasted for free on local TVs.

Please help to donate blood

Okay, let's just face the fact. You and I will be hospitalised at least once in our lifetime. We'll probably be diagnosed with an illness such as cancer or heart attack or probably be involved in a car accident. Whichever the case is, we might need some blood transfusion or an organ transplant. So c'mon! Be that helpful Malaysians that we are and start donating your blood or consider pledging your organs! After all, you or your siblings or your family or even I might need it. If we're so selfish, then how are we going to expect someone else to help us?

God gave us life, so what is wrong with giving our "life" to someone else who needs it when we are already dead? Let the others live a full life that they couldn't get initially because they were hospitalised awaiting for a donor. Please don't rob away someone's life all because of your selfishness.

Stray dog's plight

Many people complain about stray dogs
in their vacinity. they call the authority to round them up because they think these dogs mess up the surroundings.

I think those who have no compassion for animals are setting bad example for the young people in our society.

I am sure dogs who stray on the street are having a very hard life. all they ask for are only food and a place to live.

So when they are caught and sent to the pound or spca or paws, their living condition will be even worse and their life is at stake. very often they will be put to sleep.

Animals have a right to co exist with human beings, if we cannot help these poor animals, we can at least leave them alone and let them have a place in this planet!

I appeal to fellow malaysian, be more
compassionate to these poor dogs on the street. most of the time, they are not
agressive and harmless.

We are thinking creature, so we must be more tolerant to them.