The Life of Azim Turner

Once upon a time

2010-03-05T22:26:00.004+08:00

Once upon a time there was this woman who looked like Cher. She may have once been beautiful, who knows? But now, she just looks scary beyond all reason.

So anyway, 17 years ago this woman had sex with an albino, and after that, she got a baby daughter who looks really pretty, and her face was white as snow, her hair a jet black, and her lips red as blood. The proud mother called her Snow White.

The albino daddy of Snow White decided to turn gay, so the mother brought her baby daughter to the local pub where she could drown all her sorrows. Alas, she got drunk again, but this time, the one night stand turned out to be a Prince! The desperate Prince was forced by his dying mum to marry a fat and ugly princess from the next country before he could be King, so he decided to marry Snow White's mum instead, faking his mum that Snow White was his daughter but he was just afraid to acknowledge her a year ago.

The Prince's mother died and the Prince was made King, making Snow White a princess.

Now there's a problem. As the Queen got older and more wrinkled, the King seems to eye beautiful Snow White more and more. One day, the Queen saw the King touch Snow White's hands lustily!

"AHEM!"

The King and Snow White jumped apart.

"My King, it has been long since you gave me a gift.... I want a servant who can tell me how beautiful I am everyday, because apparently my daugther is getting more attractive than me, isn't she?!! HUH?!"

The King gave a loud grunt and heck cared the Queen, so the angry Queen smacked the King on the head with a piece of Char Siew.

"Oww~! That fucking hurts! What was that for? And where did that piece of thing come from?!"

"Its for ignoring me, you bastard! And its apparently called a Char Siew, this thing. Someone mailed it to me. I find no use for it except to whack you."

"Whatever. You are a wrinkled as Lee Kwan Yew."

"Who is that?!"

"Some Chinese man which our prophet says will be the most wrinkled man on Earth in future."

"Our prophet always talks bullshit! Ask him to predict the next war and he will say something like, 'Do-do birds will be extinct.' Wtf? Do-do birds will never be extinct, they are everywhere! What an idiotic prophet we have!"

The King took advantage of the situation, grabbed the Char Siew, and smacked the Queen on the head.

"Go get urself that magic mirror in my room and stop yakking and yakking! Leave me alone with Snow White!"

"I thought you loved that mirror?", the Queen asked.

"It used to tell me my dick is the longest in the world but now it refuses to look at it since I tried to shove it into its mouth."

"YOU WHAT? DISGUSTING BASTARD!"

"I am King. I do whatever I want."

So anyway, the Queen got hold of the mirror.

"Mirror mirror on the wall, tell me, whos the fairest of them all?"

The guy in the mirror woke up, and said, "Michael Jackson after his bleaching? No. Actually, Snow White. Duh. Did you even for a moment think it was you? You are scary beyond all reason! Anyway, wait till you hear what that husband of yours did to me!"

The Queen gave the mirror no chance to do that. She whacked it with the piece of Char siew and it smashed into a million pieces.

"Lai ren ah!", she screamed. "Kill Snow White for me! "

Luckily for Snow White, she was hiding behind the door when all these happened.

She ran to the well, and started to sing about how some day her prince will come.

Walking idly, she arrived at this little hut. Being the rude and ill-mannered princess she is, she walked into the hut without knocking, and saw 7 little dwarves watching soccer in underwear. One of them was reading a porn magazine.

You think Liang Po Po is the ugliest thing since evolution, but you have no idea. A dwarf in underwear is infinitely worse. Snow White screamed in horror.

But too bad for Snow White. A scream is the last thing she should have done, because it immediately idenifies her as a lady and what would seven ugly men living alone want?

A maid of course.

The dwarves shoved Snow White into the room, and started to get her to clean up the house, while they continued drinking ale while watching soccer.

With this, Snow White lived for a few months. She particularly hated Sneezy the dwarf coz he always throws his used tissues around. Snow White was held prisoner because she was too dumb to unlock the door.

In case you are wondering why the dwarves are not sexually interested in Snow White, it is because Snow White is too big for them. In physical size.

So anyway, one day the dwarf called Grumpy decided to let Snow White have an apple and take a rest, coz Snow White cleaned his room particularly well that day. What he doesn't know is that Snow White hates him and have put chilli powder into his underwear, but I guess what he doesn't know wouldn't hurt him.

Snow White took a bite and decided to act like she died. She somehow had this feeling that this would get her out of the house. She also read in several story books that a kiss from a prince will revive the dead, and it seems that princes only like to kiss dead girls? So she will pretend to be dead and come to life when a prince kisses her! She tried not to think how disgusting it is if it were the dwarves to kissed her instead.

And what if it was Lee Kwan Yew who kissed her? Oh no! But she will have to take chances.

The dwarves found Snow White dead and shoved her into the forest to rot, and got on with their lives.

Snow White laid on the ground, sobbing in her heart, as the forest is a dreadful place and she feels really sorry for herself that she has to live her life this way. Where should she go? She can't even go home, her mum will (literally) kill her! And she didn't dare open her eyes, she was scared the dwarves would still be there; scared of what she will see...

Suddenly, she heard steps of a horse and a man... Not light steps like those of the dwarves... Steps of a real man... And the air was filled with the sensual smell of Davidoff purfume... Ah... What arousal...

Snow White knew there was hope. It must be her Prince!! She prayed and prayed that her cleavage can be seen... and that her hair covered that stupid pimple she just got.

The Prince bent down, and gave Snow White a deep, tongue wrestling, lip-locking kiss, which took away Snow White's breath and melted her heart. She could feel his sharp nose and chiselled face against hers, and his luscious lips; they are oh, so soft....

Snow White fluttered her long dark eyelashes open, to see a hunky, dark-haired man with dark brown curls looking at her lovingly...

"Oh, you must be my prince!", Snow White exclaimed.

"Yes.... You are beautiful, my Princess...."

"Are u gonna marry me?"

"Yes, my dear..."

"Do you gamble, drink excessively, and watch soccer all the time?"

"No, no, and no..."

"Will you promise to only love me and never have sex with other women, men, or animals?"

"Children?"

"Children as well. And dead people."

"Oh, alright. I suppose you are pretty enough for me to promise that."

"Are you rich?"

"Yes. I am a millionaire."

"Do you have a eight inch number and can last more than 15 minutes?"

"Its 9 and a half to be exact. And I can last for 2 hours."

"Oh my God you are perfect!"

"And I love you, my princess... There... You must be tired.. Let me ride you on horseback to my castle..."

"Yes, yes my Prince..."

With that, Snow White travelled for 3 days on the Prince's horse.

She arrived at a construction site.

"Oh, the castle is still building?", she queried.

"Uhmmmm...", the Prince mumbled.

2010-02-08T12:00:00.004+08:00

I decide to meditate.

People like me, diagnosed with an incurable disease, are susceptible to anything that offers hope. On Tuesday, I flicked through a book and extracted the idea that meditation might be a good thing.

Obviously the prepared person would have actually read the book, or talked to an experienced practitioner before starting, but not me. I am in a rush. I want instant results.

I decided that the best thing to do was to lie on the floor and concentrate on breathing. I set the timer on my phone to ten minutes.

“In out, in out,” I sucked the air up though my nose and then pushed it back down my nostrils. “In out, in out,” and after a couple more breaths, I began to worry about over breathing: is it possible to over breathe; is it in any way detrimental to the health to over breathe? I resolved to google “over breathing” just as soon as the ten minutes was up.

“Just stop it,” I told myself. “How can you possibly meditate if you clutter your mind up with google. Just breathe, don’t think about anything else.”

I know what I hoped was going to happen. I hoped that all sorts of fascinating insights about my current predicament were going to bubble up from my subconscious, and that I was going to rise from my ten minutes on the floor with the knowledge necessary to fix my life.

“It’s a bit cold,” I thought. “It was a mistake to lie so close to the door. The draught is ruining the mediation experience.” I shifted down the room away from the door.

“Woof, woof. Woof, woof,” barked my phone, signalling the end of the ten minutes. Disappointed by the absence of my subconscious, I decided to try for another ten minutes: still nothing.

“Passive patients are not survivors,” I reminded myself as I got up from the floor. That quote had jumped out at me as I had flicked though the book on Tuesday. I picked up my purse and went to Boarders where I bought “Anatomy of the Spirit” by Caroline Myss. Now a couple of months ago, I would have scoffed at a book like this, and even now the cover design does nothing to endear it to me (gold embossed letters on white). But, since the relapse in May, which showed me that a healthy diet and lifestyle were not helping my condition, I decided to tackle my thoughts in my attempt to stop this disease from taking over my life. I think I suffer from an unhealthy mind, and as a result I am now open to books that talk about God and faith.

Caroline is a medical intuitive. She does “readings” and she can tell people what they are suffering from and why. (Let me just pick up that crystal ball that has marched into my mind and throw it to the ground.)

Oh, how I would have cringed a few months ago at the hippy visions of wind chimes and floral prints that I see when I read those words: “medical intuitive”. But now I take it deadly seriously...

However, in my typical arrogant fashion, as I sat reading the book in Gloria Jean’s coffee shop, sipping health giving green tea, I began to fantasise that I too was a medical intuitive, imagining what a great conversation piece it would be at dinner parties. I struggled to rid myself of this notion. A lot of work needs to be done on me, by me, before my thoughts will be desirable.

Public Library

2009-10-24T12:36:00.002+08:00

Of late, i am rather disturbed by the fact that children are allowed in the public library. It is understandable that children do what they do best, which is laughing, running etc. To make matters worst, the quiet environment is further interrupted by the parents who "sshhssshhhhh" their children to behave. Though the public libraries are openned to all, but at least parents need to be considerate enough as not to interrupt the atmosphere. Perhaps, the authorities should not allow children below the age of 12 to enter as the reason is very obvious: That is why we also have the CHILDREN LIBRARY?

Soul Eater

2009-10-24T12:05:00.002+08:00

Bleach and Naruto is returning to filler mode soon.

So I have to find new anime to keep myself busy.

And I did.

I found Soul Eater.

The animation is kinda unique.

It's a little different from the mainstream anime out there.

Kinda reminds me of Gorillaz animation style.

NFS on KL's streets!!

2009-10-24T11:48:00.003+08:00

With the F1 night circuit at night in Singapore, I am wondering whether in Kuala Lumpur, we can arrange for motorcycle races, using Jalan Tun Razak, Jalan Tuanku Abdul Rahman or up to Jalan Kuching and Jalan Ulu Klang, etc. These roads could be closed to traffic for certain hours at nights till dawn. With the races at night, may be motorcyclists especially our renowned Mat Rempits will have avenues to show their talents. Security fencing could be erected on both sides of the 'race circuits' with high power spot lights.

It's sounds like "need for speed underground"? Indeed it is, the idea just came out while I was defeating "The Boss" using my Lamborghini SV ( well ofcourse I only owned such machine in a video game). I have to admit it is a fantastic idea and I believe it will.

The proposed roads above could be good for marathons.

Perhaps UMNO Youth and Ministry Of Tourism and Ministry Of Youth & Sports etc may wish to look into this.

Advertising panels along both sides of the tracks could collect enough incomes for the shows which could also be live telecasted for free on local TVs.

Please help to donate blood

2009-10-24T11:35:00.001+08:00

Okay, let's just face the fact. You and I will be hospitalised at least once in our lifetime. We'll probably be diagnosed with an illness such as cancer or heart attack or probably be involved in a car accident. Whichever the case is, we might need some blood transfusion or an organ transplant. So c'mon! Be that helpful Malaysians that we are and start donating your blood or consider pledging your organs! After all, you or your siblings or your family or even I might need it. If we're so selfish, then how are we going to expect someone else to help us?

God gave us life, so what is wrong with giving our "life" to someone else who needs it when we are already dead? Let the others live a full life that they couldn't get initially because they were hospitalised awaiting for a donor. Please don't rob away someone's life all because of your selfishness.

Stray dog's plight

2009-10-24T11:32:00.002+08:00

Many people complain about stray dogs
in their vacinity. they call the authority to round them up because they think these dogs mess up the surroundings.

I think those who have no compassion for animals are setting bad example for the young people in our society.

I am sure dogs who stray on the street are having a very hard life. all they ask for are only food and a place to live.

So when they are caught and sent to the pound or spca or paws, their living condition will be even worse and their life is at stake. very often they will be put to sleep.

Animals have a right to co exist with human beings, if we cannot help these poor animals, we can at least leave them alone and let them have a place in this planet!

I appeal to fellow malaysian, be more
compassionate to these poor dogs on the street. most of the time, they are not
agressive and harmless.

We are thinking creature, so we must be more tolerant to them.

Love

2009-10-24T11:26:00.002+08:00

When we were formed, we lived and grew in the Palace of Love

When we were born, we were in the hands of our parents showered by Love

When we become children, we received and were taught how to Love

When we become adolents, we bump around in search for the true meaning of Love

When we are adults, we look for our second halves to actualise Love

When we have our children, we shower them with Love and show them how to Love

When we age, we rest and await the children and grandchildren to return in Love

When we decease, we will be missed with Love

Taken from KAR NEE's blog

2009-09-27T16:19:00.005+08:00

WHAT WAS YOUR:

1. last beverage - Iced blended Cappucino

2. last phone call - frienz ( How's ur tiring Hari Raya )

3. last text message - to Manda sayin thx 4 being my best friend

5. last time you cried - hardly cry

HAVE YOU EVER:

6. dated someone twice = dun think so... off da deal man

7. been cheated on = the other way round

8. kissed someone & regretted it = nah...

9. lost someone special = sadly...yes

10. been depressed = it's part of mylife

11. been drunk and depressed = never

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:

12. White

13. Black

14. Red

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made a new friend - yes, alot of them...hahax ^o^

16. Fallen out of love - I hevn't fall in yet...sorry

17. Laughed until you cried - yes especially when u hangin out wif ur loony cousins n' friens

18. Met someone who changed you - She did and still does influence me til today

19. Found out who your true friends were - yes

20. Found out someone was talking about you - I dun even realize tat... completely ignorin them

21. Kissed anyone on your FB friend's list - yup

GENERAL:

22. How many people on your FB friends list do you know in real life - All of them

24. Do you have any pets - cats...but to be precise there are nine cats and another 4 waitin 4 delivery...huh! To many izzit but they are my most loyal frienz...

25. Do you want to change your name - not sure about tat... coz its a give from my parents

26. What did you do for your last birthday - went out for a holiday trip

27. What time did you wake up today - about 10:20, really tired bcoz 2 many guest came in during yesterday's open house

28. What were you doing at midnight last night - passed out (sleepin like a dead fish)

29. Name something you CANNOT wait for - havin somethin tat I admire...may be

30. Last time you saw your Mother - last three seconds ago

31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life - Destiny and Personality

32. What are you listening to right now -Soba ni Iru Kara (by CHABA)

33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom - nvr come across, except for Tom and Jerry

34. What's getting on your nerves right now -nothin, i'm a cool guy

35. Most visited webpage - facebook, blogger, youtube, miniclip, wikipedia, TMZ and Hitz.fm

36. Where you want to be right now - In the pool at my house facing the sunset

37. Nicknames - nick, mike, azim turner

38. Relationship Status - Single.

39. Zodiac sign - Libra

41. Elementary? = not realli

42.Middle school = SMKMA.

43. Hair colour = brown-black.

44. Long or short = short

46. Height = 168

47. Do you have a crush on someone - not anymore

48. What do you like aboNope - pardon me

50. Tattoos - definitely no

51. Righty or lefty - right-handed

52. First surgery - On my leg, it was broken coz of a reckless driver

53. First piercing - Uuuurgh! Never man

54. First best friend - i wanna hurt no body

55. First kiss - From my mum

56. First vacation - can't recall

57. First crush -my ex-GF but dun want 2 talk bout it

RIGHT NOW:

59. Eating - ntg

60. Drinking - Grape Juice

61. I'm about to - study

62. Listening to - Toshiro Masuda

63. Waiting for - Malaysia Goverment 2 be reformed

YOUR FUTURE :

64. Want kids? - yes, to create better citizen out of them

65. Get married - yes

66. Career - Computering, Industrial & Bavarages Businesses, and a politician(once I'm prepared)

WHICH IS BETTER :

67. Lips or eyes -eyes

68. Hugs or kisses -hugs

69. Shorter or taller - taller

70. Older or Younger - younger

71. Romantic or spontaneous - both

72. Nice stomach or nice arms - not sure

73. Sensitive or loud -sensitive

74. Hook-up or relationship - relationship

75. Trouble maker or hesitant - is there any other choice?

HAVE YOU EVER :

76. Kissed a stranger - been there done that

77. Drank hard liquor - nope

78. Lost glasses/contacts - not yet

79. Sex on first date - do u need to ask for tat?

80. Broken someone's heart - as far as I know, no one perhaps

81. Had your own heart broken - yes n' felt it as a past history

82. Been arrested - not yet... hahax

83. Turned someone down - may be

84. Cried when someone died - nope and untill now I dun understand myself, sometimes I cry on something tat is not a BIG deal at all

85. Fallen for a friend? - nope

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

86. Yourself = yes

87. Miracles = no, every thing in the world are based on logical thinkin

88. Love at first sight = not the one yet

89. Heaven = yeah

90. Santa Claus =nope its juz another FAT santa lie

91. Kiss on the first date = never...wait...not yet...huh! I dun noe

92. Angels = yes

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:

93. Had more than one bf/gf? - I hev none

95. Did you sing today? - yeah! "we all in this together"... weird izzit?

96. Ever cheated on somebody? = what I can't hear da question can we move on to da next one

97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go, and why? - I would rather want to face every thing in front of me and make the best of mylife

98. Are you afraid of falling in love with somebody else? - yes , coz most gurls are cheaters

100. Posting this as 100 truths? - not reli..i realized tat number 23, 40, 45, 49 n 58 were missing..so it's 95 truths

Divine guidance

2009-09-27T10:50:00.002+08:00

I read an anecdote about a guy. The guy had two business partners. One day these two partners told the guy that they no longer wanted him as their partner. They offered him either $35,000 or all the worthless shares in a worthless company that they owned.

That evening the guy went home and said to his wife: "I’ve got something to tell you." But before he could speak the wife said: “I want a divorce.”

The guy decided that only divine forces could have arranged for everything to go so drastically bad in one day. That night the guy had a dream: he was driving a car over the mountains, it was very icy and it was a difficult drive, but eventually he got over the mountains. It was very calm and there was a cottage with a candle in the window waiting for him. He woke up just knowing that everything was going to be all right.

He took the shares in the useless company, because it was a cat-food company, and he had been driving a Jaguar in the dream.

After much hard work, the cat-food company became successful, and he met a new wife.After reading this, I decided that I too wanted a bit of this divine guidance stuff. I went to bed hoping to dream a dream that would make everything clear to me.

And, indeed I did dream a dream -- but clear things are not.

In my dream, I got out of an old, but well maintained, almost regal, jet black, tank-like vehicle. It was my car (very unlike the modest white bmw that my brother drive when conscious). Anyway, because I wanted to pop into a few shops, I turned on the vehicle’s autopilot (all dream cars come equipped with this accessory), and I expected the vehicle to follow me down the pavement. However, the moment I switched it into autopilot, the vehicle malfunctioned and rolled slowly and deliberately into the road where it bumped into a shabby looking car.

I groaned, sure that my massive tank would have done a lot of damage. A very smart, very tall, very dark man got out of the shabby car. My big tank automatically opened its driver-side door, but of course no driver got out. I moved round to the side of the road.

“Hi, it’s mine. It was on autopilot. We should take some photos,” I said to the smart man.

We got out our cameras and were poised to snap some pictures of the two cars touching, but before we could snap. His car jumped off my tank, rolled backwards a couple of meters and stopped. I looked at the back of the shabby car.

“Where’s the damage?” The old dilapidated car was obviously far tougher than it looked.

“Here it is,” said the smart man waving his hand vaguely indicating the bumper area of his car. And then he pointed to a small crack on an indicator light. I did not think it looked like new damage. I expected the smart man to ask about insurance, after all that is why we were taking photos, but he said nothing, so neither did I.(I don't have any licence, so no licence, no insurance, I was thinkin to solve the problem with my own pocket money) Then, I looked at the bumper of my tank, there was a small hole. Somehow the shabby car had punctured a hole right through my bumper. I wondered how deep the hole was and if there was some more serious damage behind the hole.

Somehow my stately armoured vehicle had been more injured than his dilapidated car in the collision: how could this be?

“We should move our vehicles,” I said.

We moved down the road, and the the man walked away. I felt guilty, so I ran after him. He had now changed into a woman (a completely normal occurrence in dreams).

“We can mend the light” I said.

“Can we mend the right door?” she asked.

“No, we can’t mend old damage.”

And that was the end of the dream.

All day Saturday, I thought about the dream searching for the divine guidance hidden in it, but it remains elusive. However, dreaming about overlarge things might be a theme. Last night I dreamt about an overlarge slice of chocolate cake.

A Supernova is Born

2009-09-27T10:30:00.003+08:00

On the month of July, was the one month anniversary of Michael Jackson’s death. Like many people in show business, his body continues to languish in the San Fernando Valley. Today we found out that his nose fell off. The story went on to say that he kept his extra noses in a jar. Why can’t a dead superstar rest in peace in his own town?

Given the million dollar send-off we staged for him a month ago, Michael Jackson may be the most famous person, in his own lifetime, in the History of Man. I’m sure when they were alive, Michelangelo, Shakespeare and Mozart weren’t exactly household names in… say…Tibet.

Michael Jackson was an extraordinary star. He was more than a bunch of hydrogen and helium – although excess helium might explain why he sang like a girl. He thought he was Peter Pan and he was — a Sergeant Pepper-Kabuki Peter Pan.

The ancient Greeks built temples to their gods, staged lavish festivals, then wrote scathing myths about the gods’ foibles and immorality. In almost 3,000 years, nothing has changed. Michael Jackson built Neverland Ranch, staged extravagant concerts and myths have been written about his foibles and immorality.

When the Greeks put their gods out to pasture, they whisked them away to the skies where they became constellations. We idolize, satirize and cannibalize our heroes, treat them like gods, then sell their image on an oven mitt.

In 1995, the movie, FARINELLI, won the Golden Globe for Best Foreign Language Film. “Farinelli” was the stage name of 18th century castrato superstar, Carlo Broschi. In his day, Carlo Broschi was bigger than Elvis, the Beatles and Michael Jackson put together. Farinelli looked and dressed like Elvis — in drag — and sounded exactly like…. Michael Jackson. While you watch the movie, you have to remind yourself that it’s Dresden in the 1700s, not Vegas in the 80s.

Michael Jackson had a lot in common with Prince – “Purple Rain” and “When Doves Cry” Prince. They were both born in 1958 in the Midwest: Gary, Indiana and Minneapolis. They were known as The King of Pop and The High Priest of Pop.

Michael Jackson won awards, the adoration of his fans and the respect of his colleagues. Prince has won awards, the adoration of his fans and the respect of his colleagues. But only Michael Jackson named both of his sons “Prince.”

We haven’t inducted a supernova since Princess Diana died – and that was way back in the last century. Let’s bury the man, so he can shine on, brightly — and get out of the Valley.

Da Meanin of "Her" Friendship

2009-09-08T21:51:00.003+08:00

People today, in all this new world technology and thinking, have lost sight of what a true friendship is. So, in sprit of my best friend Manda, I thought I would help the world out a little and explain what real, true friends are.

1. Friends don't have to be exactly the same. Friends have similarities but they also have their differences. They key to opening up the world of friendship is not only to expand on similarities but to accept each other's faults. Because you can't ever judge your friend.

2. Friends have to argue! No one likes to but it is necessary to be healthy. Cause if you agree on everything, either the government has expanded cloning subjects or someone isn't being true and is trying a little too hard.

3. You have to be comfortable together or else you just aren't going to click. If you feel edgy around the person then something isn't quite right.

4. Friends love unconditionally. They have there little angry moments but what's done is done and all is forgive and forget. Why let something that happened in the past ruin what happiness you could have in the future?

5. Believe in love at first sight because there is the equivalent in friendship. Some people think that you have to know someone really well to become good friends. Trust me, it's not true. If the first time you really spend time together you talk for 25 hours straight until 4:30 in the morning about some topic you thought no one else in the world understood, hun, that's real love at first sight.

These are only a few of the basics. Just remember, friends are forever. But only if you keep it that way. Don't diss your buds, love them instead. And when they drive you nuts, love them that much more for being just a little bit different and maybe just a little bit quirky!

I'm Still Holding On

2009-09-06T17:17:00.003+08:00

In kindergarten my idea of a good friend was the person who let me have the red crayon when all that was left was the ugly black one.

In primary school my idea of a good friend was the person who went to the bathroom with me; held my hand as I walked through the scary halls; helped ME stand up to the class bully; shared their lunch with me when I forgot mine, in the class; saved a seat for me; knew who I had a crush on and never understood why.

In form 1 at secondary school, my idea of a good friend was the person who let me copy their social studies homework; went to that "cool" party with me so I wouldn't wind up being the only freshie there; did not let me lunch alone.

In form 2, my idea of a good friend was the person who gave me play new games with their computer; convinced my parents that I shouldn't be grounded; consoled me when I broke up with Anne; found me a date to a party or went to a party with me (both without dates); helped me pick a shoe and assured me that I would satisfied with the shoe that I buy at the mall, and helped me deal with my parents who were having a hard time to make them understand on certain things..

On the threshold of form 3, everything changed because of ‘a girl’, my idea of a good friend was ‘she’ who was there when I was facing my challenges, telling me, I could make it through anything; just silently hugged my soul by her words as I looked through her blurry eyes at a few month of memories.

Since then until now, my idea of a good friend is still the person who gives me the better of the two choices, hold my hand when I am scared, helps me fight off those who try to take advantage of me, thinks of me at times when I am not there at school, reminds me of what I have forgotten, helps me put the past behind me but understands when I need to hold on to it a little longer, stays with me so that I have confidence, goes out of her way to make time for me, helps me clear up my mistakes, helps me deal with pressure from others, smiles to when I am sad, helps me become a better person, and most importantly loves me as a friend!

Pass this hurl on to those friends of the past, and those of the future...and those I have met along the way.

Thank you for being a friend.

No matter where we go or who we become, never forget who helped me get there.

There's never a wrong time to pick up a phone or send a message telling her how much I miss them or how much I love her.

All Mighty Thanks to you Manda my dearest the best of best friends.

worry

2009-08-13T10:07:00.002+08:00

Take no thought for the morrow

I give up worry.

I refuse to waste another moment of my life worrying. I am in withdrawal. There are no rehab centres for people who abuse worry. I am on my own. The urge to re-offend is strong.

I have, since I can remember, always had something to worry about.

My first worry was burglars. In my confusion as a child, I thought that the word was bird-gular, and that they were giant birds that came in through windows and stole things. This belief was reinforced by stories of magpies fluttering through open windows and stealing shiny things for their nests.

Soon my worry of burglars was joined by a worry of house fires. When I used to go and stay with my grandparents, my grandmother would tell me to unpack my clothes and put them in a drawer, and I used to do this. But, then at night, I would pack my things back up in the suitcase, so that in the event of a fire, I could flee with all my stuff.

If I ever have to wait for something , I worry. When I go to a restaurant, I worry constantly. If we have made reservations then I worry that they will have somehow been erased. If we have no reservations, I worry that they will seat people who arrive after us before us, and that we will end up spending the entire evening waiting to eat. When we do manage to get seated, I cannot relax and chat, because I am too busy worrying: will they remember my food? Did the waitress get the order right? She seemed a little hesitant; she was not writing anything down: is it possible for someone to hold that amount of information in their head without making a mistake? Will she remember the extra rice? Will they overcharge us, because we never did get the extra rice. I worry that I will forget to check the bill for the presence of the rice that never materialised. I worry that we have ordered too much food and that we will end up having to throw half of it away. While all this worry is going on, other people might be trying to talk to me, but I cannot pay attention and enjoy the conversation, because I am too busy obsessing about the the waitresse's ability to do her job, about the chef's ability to cook the food, and about the cashier's ability to process the bill...

If someone is handing leaflets out, I get anxious: what if there are not enough to go round? What if I don’t get one? I will never know the important information, and obviously it is important, someone has gone to the trouble to write a leaflet and distribute it. It must be important. And, so the worry continues. I pick my way through the rock pool of life, jumping from worry to worry. But, now I have had enough. On Saturday, I decided to banish worry from my life.

I am having a hard time. There are some matters clamouring loudly for me to worry about them, such as my 7000 dollars lost in the banking ether, but no, I must not worry. The bank says that sometimes international transfers can take up to 6 working days. The fact that I have never had to wait more than one day before is irrelevant -- there is no cause for worry. I will wait, and then, when six working days have passed, I will ask for the money to be traced. I will not worry. I must have faith that the money will turn up. Thoughts like, "what if they did not get the account number correct?" keep creeping into my mind, and I have to slap them down. If that is the case, it will be discovered once the bank investigates. No amount of worry on my part will speed up the appearance of that money. But it is hard, not to worry about it as I sit here all alone, trying to break a habit of a lifetime.

My second test came yesterday. It was Pamela’s birthday. I decided to drive (even thou I don't even hev a drivin license) to Dataran Pahlawan, sp I can buy something for her. I set off earlier than usual, as I planed to park the car and go to the mall. I had only driven a few meters down the road, when I was alarmed by a rattling noise. Visions of the engine blowing up as I sped along the freeway immediately filled my mind.

I pulled into a side street. Got out of the car: all looked normal. I got back into the car and drove a little further down the street, but the rattle continued. Clearly my stern look had fixed nothing. I fumbled around beneath the dashboard, feeling for the leaver that releases the bonnet. I found it, looked at the engine, but nothing appeared to be dangling.

I called Hadi (my BIG bro): “The car’s broken. It rattles whenever I drive.”

“Look underneath the car, perhaps a stick has got caught.”

I got out of the car, and just where I bent down, I saw a two 50 cent coin. This I took as a good sign, a reward for not succumbing to worry, I put the coin in my pocket, and peered under the car, indeed there was a rather large twig caught underneath. I pulled it out, and I felt good that I had stopped the rattle, and thus avoided a worry-filled journey.

Today, apart from the lingering money worry, and try as I might, I cannot completely banish that insidious worm, I have been worry free. So I have decided to take a day off from going to school. Yeay! free from worry and free from school

Sinking

2009-08-11T16:59:00.005+08:00

“I don’t want to get in,” said Pamela Geronimo.

“Why not?” I asked, usually getting into the pool is not a problem.

“I don’t like the water.”

“You liked the water last week. Why don’t you like the water today?” I asked.

“It’s too deep. I might sink.”

“You’re not going to sink. The teacher is in the water with you; if you start to sink, he’ll rescue you. Now, jump in.”

Pamela stood at the side of the pool not moving.

“Do you want me to throw you in?” I said deciding that today was the day to get tough. I am fed up with Pamela playing up in the swimming lessons.

“Stupid swimming!” mumbles Pamela.

“Jump in or I’ll throw you in,” I said.

“Stupid, stupid swimming,” shouted Pamela.

“Ok, I’m throwing her in,” I shouted to the swimming teacher.

“One, two...” the swimming teacher began counting. On three I picked Pamela up and chucked her in the water. She sank to the bottom of the pool. The other mothers gasped.

“That was excellent,” said the teacher as Pamela’s head popped above the surface. I’m not sure if he was talking to Pamela or to me. Pamela has been going to the EzySwim classes for over a year now, and progress has not been easy. On the weeks that she is feeling cooperative, Pamela can swim and do everything the teacher asks her to do, but on other weeks, she refuses to do anything and spends the lesson, clinging to the side of the pool, sobbing: “I want to go home.”

“Right, now you’ve sunk and survived, you don’t need to be afraid of sinking anymore,” I said on the way home.

“I was a little bit scared, but then I used my arms to get back up,” said Pamela demonstrating her swimming arms.

“Exactly, and that’s what you will do if you ever find yourself sinking again,” I said.

“I want you to throw me in again next week...”

So, Pamela feels fine about it. I, however, feel guilty. For two reasons: firstly, the gasps of the other mothers made it clear that they disapproved, and secondly, I was never thrown in to the deep end of a swimming pool as a child, but I know that if I had been, I would have hated the parent who did the throwing. But, sometimes you hev to show ur friens what is expected of them, and although I do not expect Pamela to be a perfect swimmer, I do expect her to get into the water each week and to give her best effort.

Facebook

2009-08-10T17:16:00.005+08:00

On early of January, I know everyone else has been doing facebook for years, but I am a slow adapter and have only just joined. People like me become extinct in times of global catastrophe, hindered by our inability to move with the times and adapt to our new circumstances, leaving the gene pool cleansed of our tardy genes.

“You’re not on facebook,” said a friend, almost accusingly as I squashed into the beach tent, with two cappuccinos and a green tea, during the last weekend.

“No,’ I said letting a handful of sand run through my fingers. Signing up to facebook is like inviting Mafia or any pervert in, begging them to tap your telephone and to eavesdrop on your every thought. I like to shroud my life with secrecy and mystery.

However, as I sat under the shade of the tent, sipping the green tea, I began to feel uneasy, left out; everyone was in this facebook club but me. What were they doing there? What were they sharing? My nosiness triumphed my desire to remain aloof and secretive. I joined facebook, and now I spy on my friends, and satisfy my hitherto dormant stalker-like qualities from my armchair. I even indulged in a bit of furtive facebook chatting this morning before I got my skul uniform on.

Street life

2009-08-09T19:17:00.005+08:00

“Ping-pong, ping-pong, incoming chat request.” I looked at the computer screen. A photo of Jessica Simpson without a top on. It was clearly another pervert. I should click “ignore”. But, then I thought, “sod it. Even if she is a pervert, at least I will have one more friend on this site and thus look a little more like a trusted and legitimate user.”

Amadine: hiiiiiiiiiiiiii
Ricky: Hi [I use the name Ricky when chatting with strangers; he is more confident, more brash, than I am.]
Amandine: Hiiiiiiiiiiiiii [I am most disheartened by all the “i”s; this gurl is clearly full of hope, and I know I will disappoint.]
Amandine: how are you?
Ricky: Fine, and you?
Amandine: awesome [I hope she is not describing her state of well-being as “awesome”. I am not good with excessively cheerful people. Perhaps she is just nauseatingly happy that I am “fine”.]

Amandine: i am fine here
Ricky: Where is here? [I may as well find out where this not Jessica Simpson character is from before I dismiss her completely.]
Amandine: where means the place i live
Ricky: And, where is that?
Amandine: It's in India
Ricky: So, what languages do you speak?
Amandine: i speak Hindi
Ricky: Ok. Write “water” in Hindi. [I decide to test his Hindi; it is hard to trust a word of what anyone says in online chat, and to my mind someone using a photo of Jessica Simpson as her profile picture is even less trustworthy than most.]
Amandine: Pani
Ricky: Ok. Write a lot, as in the words "a lot". [“Water”, “a lot” and “dirty” are the only words of Hindi that I remember from when I did voluntary work in Bihar years ago wif my father.]
Amandine: bhut zayada

Ricky: Ok, you are for real.
Amandine: hahha
Ricky: But, why do you have a photo of someone who is not you as a profile picture?[I kindda like him too. hahax]
Amandine: she is my favourite
Ricky: But, she is not you. So, my first impression was that you must be a pervert.
Ricky: not at alllllll
Amadine: I am just telling you the impression that you give.

I felt a bit guilty that I had been so suspicious of her in the beginning, so, even though she was not going to be useful for the project, I turned on the microphone and talked with her about India.

“There are a lot of people living on the streets in India,” he said.

“Yes, it is possible to live on the streets in India” I said. “Of course people live on the streets here too, but not so many; it is not acceptable. Malaysian society demands that its homeless are provided with shelters.”“Some of the people here live on the streets because they want to. They give away all their possession and live on the street because they want to be nearer God.”“People don’t do that here.” I said.

Thinking that if someone here in Kuala Lumpur said that they were living on the streets to get closer to God they would be classified as insane and sent to a psychiatric hospital. And, yet since reading “The Perennial Philosophy”, I know that ultimately the only thing I possess is my free will and that I should give everything else up as it is a distraction. But, I am still having trouble even thinking about this concept let alone putting it into practice. Up until a few months ago, I lived my life trying to get more and more of everything, and now even the doubt that this might not be the best way to live is very traumatic.

“So, what about you?” I asked. “Are you tempted to go and live on the street.”

“I would like to, but I have responsibilities. I have to take care of my mother and my younger brother.”

I remembered a newspaper article that I read back in February about an Malaysian family who had chosen to live in the slums of India. When I first read the article, I felt strongly that they were very selfish for inflicting a life of unnecessary poverty upon their children, but now I am not so sure. I would need to speak to them to understand.

Blood-suckin' Misery

2009-08-09T13:03:00.007+08:00

Three months ago, I sat in a cafe @ Dataran Pahlawan, Malacca wif my friend Mei Chern. She put her hand on my arm n' said: “I hev 2 tell u about these books I’m readin'. I’m addicted; they’re 4 teenagers really...” n' as soon as she said that my perception of her changed. Call me shallow, but I pass judgment on people based on thingz like da books they read, da music they like, da holidays they take, n' da food they eat.

“What da hell was tis beautiful gurl, who is alwayz very busy wif home work, doin' readin' pulpy, teenage-romance novels?” was da question tat circled round my mind as she spoke.

“U should read them,” said Mei, givin' my arm a little squeeze.

I din read them. In fact, I forgot all about them, until a few weeks ago, when I bumped into Yi May, a mutual friend of mine and Mei’s, at JJ. (I was shopping for skul-related study books.)

“Hev you seen tis?” she asked wavin' a DVD in front on my eyes: “Twilight”.

“Oh my god, you’re not into that as well?” I said rememberin' my conversation with Mei from months ago.

“I’m addicted,” said Yi May. “It’s about this guy Edward; he’s a vampire.” I looked at Yi May and said nothing.

“U’re not into it, are you?” she said, a look of sadness in her eyes.

“No, may be coz I'm a guy” I said. “But Mei is".

Last weekends, I took the day off from studyin' (by da way my skul was quarantined for 7 days) and went wif these two friends to Stadium Tun Fatimah for a mornin jog (my parents was there too ><).

“I have started doin' quick revision rather bein' too detailed on da subject, so that I can escape back into my own world wif Edward,” said Yi May.

“I’ve hidden da books in da bathroom: it’s da only place I ever get a chance to read,” said Mei.

“My borfriend knows something is going on. He can see I’m excited about something,” said Yi May.

“Edward would never treat me da way my BF treats me,” said Yi May. “In da morning, he only kisses me good-bye for show. He kisses infront of his frienz, so he kisses me, because that’s the thing to do. It means nothing.”

“Edward’s not real,” I shouted as I wondered how meaningful a good-bye kiss in the morning should be (at da same time protectin guyz right, hahax.... come on, not every man are heartless, I know him coz I'm very close to him). Presumably her BF leaves her to go 2 his own skul every morning as part of his routine and so, in that respect, the kiss is just another part of the ritual, as are a lot of thingz in life: but does that make them meaningless? What is this meaning that Yi May wants to extract from a good-bye kiss? Perhaps it is because my own life is so devoid of meaning that I cannot even understand her complaint.

“You have to read the books,” they both shouted at me.

“Why, would I do that?” I asked. “I am happy at the moment. These book have made you two despise your BF. You’re both unhappy, whereas me, I’m quite content with my imperfect life and my imperfect maid who never remembers to buy milk. If I start reading the books, the forgotten milk is going to take on a significance that it does not have, and I will become miserable.”

“I’m seriously considering leaving my BF,” said Yi May.

“What, because he does not measure up to a vampire?” I said.

And, that is the trouble witf modern life. We hev succumbed to da belief that we are entitled to 24/7 happiness. Gone are da days when people endured life, pinning all their hopes on a happier existence in the after life. Now, we demand instant gratification. And in doing so often make ourselves miserable: our self-esteem plummeting as we fail at happiness.

“Look,” I said. “You should forget about your BF. He is not actively cruel to you, so just let him get on with life, meanwhile you should look at yourself. Imagine how you are going to feel if you chuck your BF out only to discover that you are still not happy.”

"If I'm ur BF, I can't understand ur problem too, u need to tell him, n' tat is wat relationship is it's based on trust 2 each other"